Recently a student told me she had actually learned something from me.  She learned, she said, that she had to actually read the syllabus and follow the directions.

She was rewriting her second paper for the third time.  She failed the first one for not following the instructions.  She brought copies of the next paper to me early to make sure she was on the right track–which she was not.  After rewriting it the second time, she was practically in tears when I said it was still not acceptable.  “But I worked hard, and I think what I wrote is important!” she protested.  “Yes it is,” I told her patiently.  “But if you went to McDonald’s and ordered a Big Mac, and were given a fish sandwich, you would not care that they had worked on it, and that the food was good or nutritious.  You would tell them to take it back and give you the right sandwich.”  And, on the third try, she got it right–resulting in her stunning proclamation that she had learned to read the instructions.

I felt off balance for a while after that.  Why would she ever think that instructions should be ignored?  Sometime, I thought, I do not teach History, I teach Basic Life Skills.

Then, I saw something that made me question even that.

I was waiting for a package in the post office on campus, and so standing in line I noticed the hand sanitizer by the window.  They have been popping up all over campus, near restrooms, etc.  I never really looked at them close.  But standing there, I saw it had “Instructions” printed on it.  It’s a hand sanitizer dispenser, so how complicated could it be?  But I had time to kill, so I read them.

Shock number one: There are three steps!  Who ever knew using a sanitizer could be so complicated?!

Shock number two?

Well, STEP TWO is: Pump gel onto hands.  STEP THREE is: Rub on hands until dry.

And STEP ONE?

“Make sure hands are clean.”

(Which, of course, eliminates the need to proceed to step two, or step three, or even the very existence of the device in the first place!)

Now I know why the student didn’t think Instructions were really important.  She was not dumb; she was trying to prevent herself from becoming dumb!

I think I am going to give her an “A.”